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To express your thoughts can be a liberating thing when you feel like no one is listening. I've stopped writing now, and I've always wondered why I stopped. It has always been good to me, a place where I can just accept myself, be myself. Somehow, I always lose touch with that part of me and I choose to always lock myself up.
It's fear. I'm constantly berating myself for not being relevant. I've always considered myself mediocre even if I read plenty of Self-Help articles or books telling me that I can make a change. I've always found it peaceful being vulnerable in a space where I feel I won't be heard. Yet, here I am. Once again just piecing little bits of myself in a space of liberation.
I've been streaming games on Twitch.tv now. And I've found a little community of what I could call online friends who drop by and just have a good time. Mostly kids, but some trolling adults like me. I write when time has passed by, and I haven't the clue where to begin with all the changes in my life to share with you.
I guess I really just do this for me now. My life is different from what it was. It was a totally different outcome from what I would have ever perceived. I don't mean to be mysterious, but life is freakin' strange.
I am way more picky. I am more in-tune with my sensitivity, and I am at my most vulnerable. My values are aligning with my vision now. I've lost a lot in 2 years. Not in a sad way, really. It's a moment where I gained a lot of freedom from letting go of the baggage. It's tough letting go of some habits because of familiarity, but in the end it really kicks in and makes you finally decide.
I'm sick of all the overthinking. I'm obsessed with social media. I'm constantly looking for something to buy online. I always want the tip-top best of the best. I don't post anything, it's just I feel like I have to do something. I can't be stagnant, can't be relaxing, when the trend of hustle is berating you for every minute wasted. You know how there are countless studies now saying, that we are being exhausted by being online all the time.
I'm tired, exhausted of trying to catch up. That's why I write, to put a perspective on these thoughts that just rolls from day to day, and night after night. I'm afraid of speaking my mind, because it isn't really relevant amidst all these media we eat up every click.
I always feel the need to find the proper platform. To space my thoughts, because if you aren't saying what you're saying in the right place, or at the right time. You are an attention seeker. We all are, we all have something to say, but we fear to say it. We would rather just drone endlessly, minding our own business, or react appropriately. I don't know. It's a sad turn of events.
We were once so free to just be ourselves, now it's just.. a persona. What do you think?
